Cultural Sensitivity

I love my little town. I really do. It's full of people who march to their own drummers. Business owners, blue collar workers, retirees, growing families. The yards are all big and private and wooded, and overall people respect each other's space. But my little town (just one square mile in size) is unfortunately located smack in the middle of a vast suburban landscape filled with shiny new housing plans (with names like "Grey Oaks" (notice the pretentious spelling of "Grey"), Highpointe (what is that "e" doing at the end?) and "Greenbriar" (like that plan has anything in common with the resort).) And there is an unsettling sameness to the population, which leads to an astonishing cluelessness on the part of a disturbingly large number of people.

Allow me to illustrate: Today I was happily working up a nice sweat in my exercise class with a bunch of other suburban housewives. The instructor, who when she's not working out is studying to be a minister, decided it was appropriate to have us exercise our biceps to a song called "Spirit in the Sky". The chorus of this song goes "You've got a friend in Jesus." Now, one could debate whether I've got a friend in Jesus, depending on one's perspective and country of origin. I don't think my rabbi would particularly agree that Jesus is my friend; my high school math teacher (a nun) would have a different view. But what makes this instructor think that it is even remotely OK to play that kind of music to a room full of people of whose religious inclinations she has not the slightest idea? (In case you were wondering, in this setting, the music is an integral part of the exercise because we incorporate the music into the moves. So you have to listen to it. It's not like it's just in the background.) This is not the first time this has happened. I thought about leaving an anonymous comment in the suggestion box at the club but decided to take the high road and sent an email to the instructor, with my name of course, to air my grievance. Don't worry, it was a nice email, very pleasant and completely devoid of insults. I think. We'll see if/how she responds.

But while we're on the subject of insults, this same instructor, disliking one of the songs she played, said to the room "That song is so retarded!" Am I just hypersensitive today? Or maybe it's that having a close relative with Down Syndrome makes me realize that calling something you don't like "retarded" is really an insult to those in our community and families who are stuggling with mental retardation. I'm astonished at the number of people, even highly educated professional people, who use the word "retarded" to describe something they think is stupid or something they hate. Look up "retarded" in the dictionary. It means to keep delaying; to hinder; to render more slow in progress. "Retarded" does not mean stupid. It does not mean dislikeable. It does not mean annoying. If anyone is reading this, the next time you want to insult someone/thing by saying they're/it's "retarded", remember that (1) you are insulting everyone out there that is dealing with mental retardation, and (2) you would be using of the word improperly anyway. (I did not mention this in my email to the lady. I confess I totally wimped out on it. I really don't feel that people will understand my complaint. I should have more cajones.)

I guess the thing that really gets to me about this episode is that this instructor plays mentor to people in her religious community; she's a mother; she's had every privilege in life; and she's typical in her unwitting insensitivity. Typical in that she's a white christian "educated" person who has no idea that she lives in a bubble almost wholly unrepresentative of the rest of the world. Does that sound harsh? I put "educated" in quotation marks because she, like many of us out here in suburbia, has numerous degrees to her name. But what does she really know about the things that matter? I wonder.